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The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
May 17, 1981. Ronald Reagan Address at Commencement Exercises at the University of Notre Dame. Reagan speaking at graduation ceremony in 1981; makes flub, says class of 1881 instead of 1981. "You members of the graduating class of 18 -- or 1981 -- [laughter] -- I don't really go back that far" [laughter]
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
February 6, 1984 Ronald Reagan Remarks at Eureka College in Eureka, Illinois. "We've just come from Dixon, where I attended my biggest birthday party ever. It was the 34th anniversary of my 39th birthday. [Laughter] And I had what every man who has that many candles on his birthday cake needs around him -- a large group of friends and a working sprinkler system. [Laughter]" edit "You've heard, I'm sure, that I like to tell an anecdote or two. Well, life not only begins at 40; so does lumbago and the tendency to tell the same stories over and over again. [Laughter]"
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
April 5, 1984. Ronald Reagan Remarks at the Conference Luncheon of the Women Business Owners of New York. A very funny anecdote about a Oklahoma priest's first sermon in a small cowpoke town. "Once, after making a speech, a minister, the late Bill Alexander of Oklahoma, took it upon himself to tell me the story of his first sermon. I've never forgotten it. I always suspected maybe it had something to do with the length of my speech. He said that he had worked for weeks after his ordination on this first sermon and had been asked to speak -- or to pray or preach at a small country church in Oklahoma, an evening service. And he arrived after working all these weeks on that first sermon that he was going to preach as a minister and looked out at a church that was empty except for one lone little fellow sitting out there amongst all the empty pews. And Bill went down, and he said, ``My friend, you seem to be the only member of the congregation that showed up. I'm just a young preacher getting started. What do you think? Should I go through with it?'' And the fellow said, ``Well, I wouldn't know about that sort of thing. I'm a little old cowpoke out here in Oklahoma. But I do know this. If I loaded up a truckload of hay, took it out in the prairie, and only one cow showed up, I'd feed her.'' [Laughter] Well, Bill took that as a cue, got back up on the pulpit, and an hour and a half later said, ``Amen.'' [Laughter] And he went down and said, ``My friend, you seem to have stuck with me and, like I told you, I'm a young preacher getting started. What do you think?'' And he says, ``Well, like I told you, I'm just a little old cowpoke out here in Oklahoma. I don't know about that sort of thing. But I do know this. If I loaded up a truckload of hay, took it out in the prairie, and only one cow showed up, I sure wouldn't give her the whole load.'' [Laughter]"
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
August 23, 1984. Ronald Reagan Remarks Accepting the Presidential Nomination at the Republican National Convention in Dallas, Texas. Ron joking with delegates at Republican National Convention; C/A CUs of delegates. "Little Leah Kline was asked by her teacher to describe my duties. She said: ``The President goes to meetings. He helps the animals. The President gets frustrated. He talks to other Presidents.'' How does wisdom begin at such an early age?"
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
February 3, 1983. Ronald Reagan Remarks at the Annual National Prayer Breakfast. "And a very lovely teacher was talking to her class of young boys, and she asked, 'How many of you would like to go to heaven?' And all the hands instantly shot into the air at once, except one, and she was astounded. And she said, 'Charlie, you mean you don't want to go to heaven?' He said, 'Sure, I want to go to heaven, but not with that bunch.' [Laughter] "Maybe there's a little bit of Charlie in each of us."
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
February 18, 1983. Ronald Reagan Remarks at the Conservative Political Action Conference Dinner. Ron, wearing black tuxedo, thanks dinner gala organizers for the 3rd memorial service of the 1980 Democratic platform. "I'm grateful to the American Conservative Union, Young Americans for Freedom, National Review, and Human Events for organizing this third annual memorial service for the Democratic platform of 1980. Someone asked me why I wanted to make it three in a row. Well, you know how the Irish love wakes." [Laughter]
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
May 18, 1983. Ronald Reagan Remarks at the Annual Awards Dinner of the White House News Photographers Association. Reagan taking cracks at Gary Hart & his fellow hopeful Democratic Presidential candidates. "I know this isn't a partisan political affair. But I also know that you have wide-angle lenses that are wide enough to get all the Democratic Presidential candidates in one shot. [Laughter] You just don't have a lens that's wide enough to get all their promises. [Laughter] But you could tell me if this one that I heard is true. Is it true that young Gary Hart is having the wrinkles airbrushed in? [Laughter] There are some things that you and I have in common in addition to being on the opposite ends of the camera. For you, the darkroom is a place to develop film. For me, it's a place where the Democrats use it as a think tank." [Laughter]
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
October 26, 1988. Ronald Reagan Remarks Congratulating the World Series Champion Los Angeles Dodgers. White House ceremony honoring the World Series champions Los Angeles Dodgers: MVP pitcher OREL HERSHISER presenting President Ronald Reagan with a baseball bat; Reagan takes the bat, waves it menacingly. First Lady NANCY REAGAN and Coach TOMMY LASORDA stand nearby. "You're absolutely right. And I know that this ends the ceremony and we may have to leave. But I just can't wait till the Congress gets back." [The President swung the bat.] [Laughter]
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
February 26, 1982. Ronald Reagan Remarks at a Conservative Political Action Conference Dinner. "Up on the Hill, I understand they were saying, ``You need eloquence in the State Dining Room, wit in the East Room, and sign language in the Oval Office.'' [Laughter] It got so bad that I found myself telling every visitor there were absolutely no tape recordings being made. And if they wanted a transcript of that remark, just mention it to the potted plant on their way out." [Laughter]
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
October 29, 1985. Ronald Reagan Remarks at a Reception for the McLaughlin Group. The third anniversary celebration of "The McLaughlin Group", JOHN MCLAUGHLIN introducing Reagan: Reagan roasts the show, its host & panel. Reagan roasts John McLaughlin and his show. "I've always wanted to be on a McLaughlin show. [Laughter] I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd just drop in. [Laughter] Let's cut the nonsense and get down to beltway business. [Laughter] Issue one -- [laughter] -- the McLaughlin Group, 3 years running strong and getting stronger, seen in -- well, you've just heard how many markets. And now we know that next year it's going to play the big towns. [Laughter] In just 3 short years, the McLaughlin Group has distinguished itself on three fronts. First, it became a stable -- staple -- [laughter] -- that was a Freudian slip -- [laughter] -- in America's diet of political commentary. Its intellectual nutritional values fall somewhere between potato chips and Twinkies. [Laughter] Second, the McLaughlin Group also serves as the most tasteful programming alternative to professional wrestling -- [laughter] -- live from Madison Square Garden. And third, it's also been an obedience school for White House staffers. Issue two, political potpourri. [Laughter] We're talking about the four horsemen of the political apocalypse and their now-famous rotating chair. By the way, Pat Buchanan rotated all the way to a windowless office down the hall in the west wing just across from the broom closet. [Laughter] Well, I can dish it out, as well as take it. [Laughter] I'm going to give it to you with the bark on. [Laughter] That's McLaughlin Group talk. [Laughter] Robert Novak, the Prince of Darkness. [Laughter] I only said that because he's so darn liberal. [Laughter] Morton Kondracke, neoconservative, neoliberal, one of the best open minds in the business. [Laughter] Jack Germond, everything Geraldine Ferraro is today she owes to Jack. [Laughter] But don't laugh, at least he got Minnesota right. [Laughter] And John McLaughlin, Mr. T of TV journalism. [Laughter] I once described John by saying the United States needs a tax increase like John McLaughlin needs assertiveness training. [Laughter] John took a simple Sunday morning discussion format out of the issues of our day and, using the insight, skill, and great humility that have become his trademarks -- [laughter] -- managed to turn it into a political version of 'Animal House.'" [Laughter]
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
May 7, 1987. Ronald Reagan Remarks to Members of the American Association of Editorial Cartoonists. "As you know, this is the second time that we've had editorial cartoonists here during this term. Last May I had some of you over for lunch. We're still looking for the missing silverware." [Laughter] edit "As I said, I enjoy your work. But since you're so free at critiquing the job I'm doing, I thought that it would be only fair, now that I have the chance, to take a shot at critiquing your work. I know you can dish it out, but can you really take it? Now, I have here a random selection of some cartoons from ``The Follies,'' and I'll just offer a few words about each." edit "... now, in case some of you can't read, that says, ``Let me clarify the last clarification of the previous clarification on the earlier clarification of the '85 tax issue.'' [Laughter] But that isn't what's important. What's important is where I'm pointing. [Laughter] I've tried everything I can to get my hair to stand up the way you've pictured it -- [laughter] -- and it just won't take. Now, the second cartoon -- here you've got me looking a little upset, and you've got the White House falling down. And that's Howard Baker with the tool kit. And I'm saying, ``Oh, good, you must be the handyman we called.'' But if you were close enough, you'd see that I look a little upset, and that's probably because I just found out Howard doesn't do windows. [Laughter] The third cartoon -- well, in the balloon it says, ``Economic Recovery.'' Now, I'm having trouble recognizing the fellow in the chair, but the crapshooter on the floor -- I got him right away. [Laughter] Yes, sir, he's still recovering from the last election. [Laughter] Now, we're to the fourth cartoon. Now, this one is titled ``The Great Communicator.'' But as you can see, there's been some mistake there. They left the balloon blank, so I think that -- [laughter] -- by filling it in -- I forgot what I was going to say." [Laughter]
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
June 22, 1983. Ronald Reagn Remarks at the National Conference of the National Federation of Independent Business. "Communism works only in heaven, where they don't need it, and in hell, where they've already got it." [Laughter]
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
May 7, 1987. Ronald Reagan Remarks to Members of the American Association of Editorial Cartoonists. "If someone were to ask what's the difference between the United States and the Soviet Union, I guess one answer would be that in the United States editorial cartoonists can publish pictures lampooning Ronald Reagan, while in the Soviet Union cartoonists must publish pictures lampooning Ronald Reagan." [Laughter]
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
July 8, 1985. Ronald Reagan Remarks at the Annual Convention of the American Bar Association. "The Soviet Union also charged that the United States was only looking for a -- and, again, I use their word -- ``pretext'' for a military -- and, again, I use their word -- ``invasion.'' Well now, ladies and gentlemen of the American Bar, there is a non-Soviet word for that kind of talk. [Laughter] It's an extremely useful, time-tested original American word, one with deep roots in our rich agricultural and farming tradition." [Laughter]
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
June 8, 1982. Ronald Reagan Address to Members of the British Parliament. "The strength of the Solidarity movement in Poland demonstrates the truth told in an underground joke in the Soviet Union. It is that the Soviet Union would remain a one-party nation even if an opposition party were permitted, because everyone would join the opposition party." [Laughter]
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
March 10, 1986. Ronald Reagan Remarks at a Dinner for the Republican Congressional Leadership. "There's a story, incidentally, about a May Day parade in Moscow. First came the tanks and then the armored personnel carriers and the artillery and the missiles and then the marching troops with fixed bayonets, and finally at the end a black sedan with red flags flying and filled with men in gray suits. And a visitor from our part of the world who was there for the occasion asked a local citizen, 'What is that?' And the fellow said, 'That's our most lethal weapon. They're Socialist economists.'" [Laughter]
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
October 6, 1986. Ronald Reagan Remarks at a White House Briefing on Soviet-United States Relations for the President's Commission on Executive Exchange. He tells a funny anecdote about a Soviet solider shooting a civilian out and about after state curfew. "You know, I've taken to collecting stories that I can tell that show the cynicism of some of the people in the totalitarian state for their government. Stories that I can confirm are actually told by those people to each other. So, I'm going to share the last one with you, and then it's back to work. Evening, or darkness, in the Soviet Union. A citizen walking along the street. A soldier yells, 'Halt!' He starts to run, the soldier shoots him. Another citizen says, 'Why did you do that?' And the soldier says, 'Curfew.' 'But,' he said, 'it isn't curfew time yet.' He said, 'I know. He's a friend of mine. I know where he lives. He couldn't have made it.'" [Laughter] "You know something? In the summit meetings, I tell some of those stories to the other side." [Laughter]
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
April 15, 1985. Excerpt from Reception honoring MILTON PITTS' 20 years of service as the President's Barber; Ronald Reagan tells long anecdote about a customer talking to his barber about a trip he's taking to Rome; good punch line. "I'm going to tell a story that Milt knows, and he likes it very much because it's about another barber..." edit "And one day, there was one of the regular customers in there with his regular fellow, and told him to really, you know, do it up right because he and his wife were taking a trip to Europe. And the conversation that followed then: Question from the man that was doing the cutting, and he said, ``Well, where are you going?'' And he said, ``Rome.'' ``Oh?'' He said, ``Yeah. We're going to see all the monuments and all the historic things and the Colosseum and all of that.'' ``Nah,'' he says, ``you won't like it. A lot of those things aren't around, or you can't find them, and there's nobody to show them to you.'' He says, ``What line are you flying?'' He says, ``We're not. We're taking a ship. We're sailing.'' ``Oh,'' he says, ``that's a big mistake. The food is lousy. It isn't like you think it's going to be at all. You're going to be sick and tired and bored to death before you get halfway there.'' Well, he went on that way about everything. And finally, sitting in the chair, he said, ``And we've got an arrangement already. We're going to have an audience with the Pope.'' ``Oh,'' he says, ``you think you're going to see the Pope.'' He says, ``You'll probably be in a line -- 20,000 people. If you get within two blocks of him, you'll be lucky.'' And finally, getting the haircut, he said, ``Look, will you stop trying to spoil the trip. We've been looking forward to this for a long time. Now, just cut my hair and be quiet.'' And it was finished, and he went on the trip. A few weeks later, he's back and in the chair. And the first question was, ``Well, how was your trip?'' He said, ``Wonderful.'' He said, ``The boat -- it was wonderful. We almost hated to get to Rome; we had so much fun on the ship. And the food was great, like the best restaurants you could ever imagine.'' And he said, ``We saw everything in Rome, all the history of Rome. It was really wonderful. We saw all those things, and we had an audience with the Pope. Twenty minutes he gave us.'' And he said, ``When I bent down to kiss his ring, he said to me, `Where did you get the lousy haircut?''' [Laughter]
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
March 8, 1983. Remarks at the Annual Convention of the National Association of Evangelicals in Orlando, Florida. Ronald Reagan tells joke about the first politician to ever make it past Heaven's Gate. "An evangelical minister and a politician arrived at Heaven's gate one day together. And St. Peter, after doing all the necessary formalities, took them in hand to show them where their quarters would be. And he took them to a small, single room with a bed, a chair, and a table and said this was for the clergyman. And the politician was a little worried about what might be in store for him. And he couldn't believe it then when St. Peter stopped in front of a beautiful mansion with lovely grounds, many servants, and told him that these would be his quarters. And he couldn't help but ask, he said, ``But wait, how -- there's something wrong -- how do I get this mansion while that good and holy man only gets a single room?'' And St. Peter said, ``You have to understand how things are up here. We've got thousands and thousands of clergy. You're the first politician who ever made it.'' [Laughter]
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
September 23, 1986 Ronald Reagan Remarks at a Ronald W. Reagan Scholarship Fundraising Dinner for Eureka College. HE talks about how his extracurricular activities in college like drama and radio and football rubbed off on him, more so than his studies. "Well, there I was with my degree in economics, a graduate with a bachelor of arts degree, and it hadn't occurred to me really what I wanted to do or anything except get a job of some kind or other. It was those kind of times. But he had laid it on me.And I finally went home, and I laid awake half the night. And finally, it dawned on me that some of my extracurricular activities, in addition to football, had rubbed off -- playing Captain Stanhope in ``Journey's End'' in the drama class play of the year, going out with the glee club, and doing comedy routines -- I didn't sing, I talked. [Laughter] But in a little town in Illinois back in the thirties, you didn't go out and say, `I want to be an actor.' Well, anyway, I went to him, and I said, 'I think I can tell you what it is. I would like to be in the world of entertainment.' And then, knowing that radio might be the shortcut to anything else, I said, 'I'd like to get into radio. I think I could be a sports announcer.'"
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
February 20, 1984. Ronald Reagan Interview With Jim Zabel of WHO Radio in Des Moines, Iowa. He talks about his first radio job at WHO in Iowa, and how he got the position. "I had been told that in looking for a job in those depression days -- and I'd hitchhiked all the way around the country quite a bit -- I'd been told that you should ask an employer not for what you wanted to be -- a sports announcer -- just tell him you'd take any job to get in the station and then take your chances on moving up from there. So, I made my usual pitch of that kind after a number of turndowns to Pete. And this time, the turndown was really disappointing because he said, ``Where were you last week? We auditioned 90 people and hired an announcer.'' And on my way out the door, I said, ``How do you ever get to be a sports announcer if you can't get in a station?'', and went on down to the elevator, which, fortunately, wasn't there. And Pete, who was badly handicapped with arthritis and on two canes -- I didn't know until I heard him thumping down the hall yelling at me -- and he asked me what that was I said about sports. And I told him that's what I'd like to be. And he said, ``You know anything about football?'' And I said, ``I played it for 8 years.'' He said, ``Do you think you could tell me about a game and, if I was sitting there listening, I could see the game?'' And I said, ``I think so.'' And he took me in a studio, put me in front of one of these. No, they weren't even this one then -- this was a modern one. This was the old carbon mike." Mr. Zabel, "Right." The President, "And he put me in front of that, and he said, ``When the red light goes on, you start broadcasting an imaginary football game.'' And I did for about 15 minutes. It wasn't really imaginary. I knew I had to have names. So, I picked a game that I'd played in -- in college, the previous fall -- which we'd won in the last 20 seconds by a 65-yard touchdown run -- I did not make the run. So, I chose that game and said, when the light came on, started -- that we were in the 4th quarter. You know, I had everything. I had the long, blue shadows settling over the field... " Mr. Zabel, "The famous long, blue shadows... " [laughter] The President, "Yes -- the chill wind coming in through the end of the stadium -- we didn't have a stadium, we had bleachers. [Laughter] And I did it for about the 15 minutes and made that winning touchdown. One thing I did put in. As a running guard, coming out and around and leading the interference -- on that play, that day, Eureka College, I missed my man, the first man in the secondary. And I don't know how Bud Cole got by and reversed the field, because I missed him. In the broadcast, I nailed him. [Laughter] It was a magnificent block -- [laughter] -- key to the whole success of the play. And he came in and told me to be there on Saturday, that I was broadcasting the Iowa-Minnesota game, and he would give me $5 and bus fare." Mr. Zabel, "The price hasn't changed any."
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
DO NOT USE B&W still of Reagan smiling behind WHO microphone.
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
February 20, 1984. Ronald Reagan Interview With Jim Zabel of WHO Radio in Des Moines, Iowa. Reagan recalls calling a baseball game when the wires went dead and he had to stall for time until the wire was serviced. Mr. Zabel, "Now, the memories that this microphone right here evokes in you -- what are they?" edit The President, "... there was a window here. Curly Waddel was the operator, sat on that side with the headphones, and he would type and slip it under the window to me." edit "in would come the paper, and it would say, ``Out 4 - 3.'' Well, that meant out from second base to first base, that meant it had to be a grounder. So, you'd take it, and you'd say, ``And Dean comes out of the windup, and here comes the pitch, and it's a hard hit ground ball down toward second base. So-and-so going over after the ball, picks it up, flips it over to first, just in time for the out.'' And by this time you're waiting for the next one. Or he would send you ``S - 1 - C.'' And that meant strike one called. So, you'd say, ``He's got the sign, comes out of the windup, here's the pitch, and it's a called strike, breaking over the outside corner just'' -- [laughter] -- ``above the knees.'' And all of that. But the thing that you're talking about was the time that -- it was the ninth inning, the Cards and the Cubs, tied up 0 - 0, and he was typing, and I thought there's a play coming. And he kept shaking his head when I had -- and it was Dean on the mound -- and I had Billy Jurgess at the plate. And I had him getting a sign from the catcher, and finally here comes the slip of paper, and it said, ``The wires have gone dead.'' And I knew in that ninth inning if I suddenly said, ``Well, we'll have a little interlude of music while we get back connected with the ballpark,'' we'd lose every -- they'd all turn on some of those other stations. So, I thought, ``There's only one thing that can get in the -- doesn't get in the score book: foul ball.'' So, I had Jurgess foul one, and then I had him foul another. And then I had him foul one that missed a homerun by a foot. Then I described two kids down back of third base that -- [laughter] -- were in a fight over the ball that had gone into the stands there. And pretty soon I know I'm beginning to set a world record for somebody standing at the plate and hitting successive fouls, if anyone ever kept those figures. And I was beginning to sweat a little, because I knew now that if I told them we'd lost the wire they'd know I hadn't been telling the truth." Mr. Zabel, "Who finally did get the hit in that game?" The President, "Well, just -- pretty soon, Curly started typing. And I had him throw another pitch, and in came the slip, and then I started giggling. I had trouble getting it out, because the slip said Jurgess popped out on the first ball pitched." [Laughter]
The Great Communicator Vol 4: The Man
January 10, 1989: Ronald Reagan Remarks at the Franklin D. Roosevelt Library 50th Anniversary Luncheon. He speaks fondly of Franklin D. Roosevelt, calling him a hero; then talks of how he came to Hollywood. "Franklin Roosevelt was the first President I ever voted for, the first to serve in my lifetime that I regarded as a hero, and the first I ever actually saw; that was in 1936, a campaign parade in Des Moines, where I was working as a radio announcer. What a wave of affection and pride swept through that crowd, as he passed by in an open car -- a familiar smile on his lips, jaunty and confident, drawing from us a reservoir of confidence and enthusiasm some of us had forgotten we had in those days, those hard years. He really did convince us that the only thing we had to fear was, as Senator Mitchell has told us, fear itself. And it was that ebullience, that infectious optimism that made one young sportscaster think that maybe he should be more active as a citizen. I assure you, though, he never tied that to one day holding public office and certainly never dreamed that destiny would take him to the same office F.D.R. held." edit "I took a train out to California and ended up with a movie contract at Warner Brothers. I was known as ``Dutch'' Reagan then, my childhood nickname."